


Suck it, Jon, She's Killing Everyone

by beforeIlearnedcivility



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: Lividus Chapter Seven but Dahlia goes for it, Logic is dead and I'm dancing on its corpse, Oops! All Murder, This might be funnier without context
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 21:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30112335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforeIlearnedcivility/pseuds/beforeIlearnedcivility
Summary: Daliah's not my charcter I just thought this would be funny.Context: Daliah is Samson's wife.  She hates people.  Enjoy.
Relationships: Original Female Character & Maven Calore, Original Female Character & Samson Merandus, Original Female Charcter & Jon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	Suck it, Jon, She's Killing Everyone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TwistedNym](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedNym/gifts).



“Lady Viper,” Maven greets me in the courtyard, face pinched. “You seem awfully merry.”

My spider creeps along my finger, legs poised as if to stab any who draw too close. “I’ve finally found some peace and quiet.”

He folds his arms. “Haven’t seen Samson lately.”

“No.” I chuckle.

“You murdered him, didn’t you?” He sighs. “Lovely. I didn’t think you’d be this much of a headache.”

“You can’t prove it.”

“Guards!” Maven frowns. “Where are--”

“I poisoned House Arven.”

Pause. “ _All_ of it?”

“All of it.”

“The entire house.”

“Yes. Was that unclear?”

“ _How_?”

I smile faintly, staring into the distance. “One cup at a time.”

He rubs his forehead. “No one stopped drinking when the bodies piled up?”

“I did find that odd.”

“You know what? I can’t even be mad.” He makes a sound halfway between a laugh and a choke. “Some people are too stupid to live.”

I cackle. “Most.”

“I’m still executing you.”

“You can try.”

“She massacres one house and she thinks she’s invincible.” His voice rises several pitches. “I’ll let a Maccanthos deal with you.”

“I poisoned them first.”

“Correction.” He sighs. “Two houses.”

“Yes.” I rest my chin on my palm, chuckling. “Two.”

“Are you--” The next word is swallowed by a strangled breath. “Iral?”

“Dead.”

“Osanos?”

“Corpses.”

“Lerolan?”

“Decomposing six feet under as we speak.” I study my nails. “I never did like Anabel.”

Maven lists the rest in rapid-fire succession. He paces, clawing at his hair and muttering, until he finally throws his hands in the air. “Viper?”

“Do I count?”

He pauses. “Did you poison all of Norta?”

I shrug. “Jon’s alive.”

“Of course.” He twitches. “I’ll be having a word with him.”

“I doubt he’s a good executioner.”

“Oh, I’ll _get_ to you, don’t worry.” Maven grits his teeth. “But I need to know whether you’ll die for mass-murder, or a particularly stupid prank!”

“Were I to prank you, it would involve significantly more spiders.”

He sighs. “Did you at least poison my brother?”

“I hadn’t considered that. Perhaps I should.” I tap my chin, pondering. “Nah. Too much work.”

“You genocided the government!”

“And?”

Maven closes his eyes. “Never mind. It makes sense.” He wobbles. “My court gets destroyed and he survives out of laziness.”

“Please don’t make this about you.” I shake my head. “Hundreds are dead.”

“You killed them!”

“Oh look, Jon.” I wave. “How has your day been?”

He limps into the clearing, growing more furious with each ragged step. His bloodshot eyes have lost what little whites they had left. He says nothing.

Until he turns to me.

“ _Why_?”

I yawn. “Why not?”

Maven cuts in. “No. You’re not talking to Lady Viper. You’re talking to me.” He clicks his flamemakers on. “Why was I not informed of this?”

“I told her not to--”

“ _You told her not to_. Brilliant! Should’ve thought of it myself.” He clutches his temple. “I don’t think I can fix this.” He turns to me. “Congratulations, Lady Viper. You broke the government.”

“Do I get a prize?”

He storms off to the liquor cabinet, slamming a bottle on the table. “Is this poisoned?”

Jon shakes his head.

“Good.” Maven pours himself a glass, head in his hands. “How long did it take?”

I do the math. “Two hours.”

“Two. Hours.”

“I didn’t want it to take three.”

He sips. “Go to hell.”

Jon clears his throat. “Um . . .”

Maven looks at his glass. “You said--”

“It is now.”

“That was five seconds ago!”

I snort. “It only took three.”

“How--?”

I roll my eyes. “With poison.”

“You weren’t even touching it!”

“Why would I? It’s poisoned.”

He buries his head in his arms. “Well, at least I won’t be near you anymore.”

I check his pulse. “The king of Norta is dead. What a shame.”

“I pronounce you queen of this empty room.” Jon throws his hands in the air. “Long may you reign.”

“Does that make you my subject?”

He grabs Maven’s cup and drains it.

**Author's Note:**

> And they all lived happily ever after


End file.
